The Door To God …..

One fine day, lots of sunsets earlier, when the sun had gone down and the rest of the world was busy sleeping peacefully, I was finding it very difficult to sleep. I had no plans to go on vigilante business the way Spidy used to do since it was horribly cold outside so I indulged in some online debate on religions. There was quite a good participation from all three religions and I was able to blast lot of people who were trying to put Hinduism in bad light with lot of help from Google , Wikipedia. As I was leaving the debate, I realized that even though I can confidently bullshit a lot about Hinduism, I myself don’t know much about the Hinduism. I never did any Hindu act with my heart, brain and mind all together. I had attended lot of prayer sessions but never gave any attention to the words. I waited & celebrated all the hindu festivals with the ultimate aim of gorging on all the delicacies that are made. I had joined congregations in praying but everything has been mechanical. Probably the only Hindu act that I have been doing religiously was folding the hands in front of the God while praying. I had read a lot about other religions too starting from Bible to the Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code.I had read lots of books, articles and painfully realized how bereft were we Hindus of any big empire or civilization in the past 1000 years. How we have been ruled and plundered by other civilizations in the guise of religion or vice-versa. How while others were advancing towards the industrialization, we were more worried about burning Satis. And how inspite of all the perceived weakness of Hinduism , I never felt any attraction towards the other *powerful* religions.  I went to sleep with the Swades song of Pal Pal hai Bhari and next morning I forgot about everything …..

Lot of sunsets passed since that sleepless night. I was gorging in Olive Gardens with the good and evil company of RC, KS , JC , SS , SB etc. The discussion was trundling on somewhat meaninglessly when KS put across the question to everybody about any unfulfilled dream not related to career. As everybody talked about buying house and other silly materialistic pursuits, I said I would like to have a bathroom the way Tony had in the movie Scarface , one which is having a big bathtub , a fully equipped bar and a giant screen television. And as KS asked me to take his question bit more seriously, I replied, I want to go to some of the Hindu holy places. As he stared at me, I said I don’t have any specific place in mind. It is just that I am curious why 1 billion people including myself is following this religion.

It was close to 6 months since I landed in India.. We had physically tortured Gafoor enough for him to reveal his marriage date and extend the invitation to us. Since we people were anyway going to Agra , we thought why not extend this trip and make a wholesome tour of the North India .. And with that in mind , we made plans for going to Amritsar , Delhi etc . As the planning was in progress, I wondered why can’t I squeeze in a visit to one of the holy places in between. And as I checked out the options, I realized Hardwar might the only option that might be feasible considering the time and distance to be travelled. And so all tickets were booked. And we began the preparations in the right earnest. I called up and informed my parents about all the plans and they refused to believe that I am planning such a big trip with my leg.

Close to 1 month before the travel date, after a long day spent standing/walking/running my leg started troubling me again. In fact the pain became so bad that I had to take SG’s support on walking back to the house. Next day I skipped the gym hoping that the pain would lessen. I did the same again but the pain refused to go down. I once again started on my regimen of daily oil massage, reduced treadmill in gym and increased cycling but the pain persisted. And I started contemplating about cancelling my trip.

So 1 week before the trip, I was still contemplating. At that time, I saw a Paulo Coelho book lying on the shelf. As I wondered cynically it is very easy to right motivational stories but when it comes to implement the ideas, it is very very difficult. Even if the physical aspect is easier, the mental block that needs to be overcome is the hardest. I realized this hesitation was very much unlike what I thought was the real me , always ready for the fight.

And then my brother called. The conversation went something like this “I heard you have been planning to go somewhere”. I said “yes, I have been planning to go somewhere”. He asked “why are you planning”. I said, “I wanted to do it for a long time, so I am planning”. He asked “What about your leg?”. I said “I don’t think it is good idea to always take that leg as an excuse and stop doing things which I always wanted to do”. He hmmed at this and said he should have also done some traveling when he was in India but got immersed into other things to plan out anything. As he disconnected, the things fell into right perspective and the decision was made.

Entry for June 08, 2008

Karta hoo mai sab burre kaaam

Usske baad kahta hoo Raam Raam!!!!

This one came to my mind when we were gaming one of my friends during the annual KB Party .. Not sure whether I should lay claim to this quote anyway let me keep it blogged . That way in case nobody is laying claim to it , my contribution to this big bad world will be recognized and honored . I might even be remembered as Mark Twain or GB Shaw or some other figure from past. The upcoming generations should not remember me the same way we used to remember Newton or Maxwell or Einstein or Huygens or some of those horrible people who did so much research in Physics, Chemistry and all other imaginable subjects and left so much for the young innocent people ( eg : me in 90s )to learn , memorize and then vomit it out at the time of exams .

By the way I finished off The Runner book.. Nice book , should be read at least once. Gives a different perspective of the admission criteria of colleges and the attempts made by the parent to get their kids fit into the admission criteria ...

Started with The Cell by Stephen King . It is a regular SK category gory book with a scary theme. Not as good or different as the The green Mile . Should be done with it this week.

It had been a good day , a memorable sunday , a near perfect sunday after a long long time.

The day started with whimper as I trundled at 8:55 to switch on the tv for the Federer Nadal final then trundled on towards the kitchen where I made a superb omelette and which I finished off with 5 slices of bread then it was the Euro Football match between austria and croatia and somewhere in between i remembered the F1 so one flick of my fingers I was in canada where hamilton beeped on to haikkonen throwing both of them out of the canada grand prix and then alonso bashed his car to the boundary and then i saw fishichella also going out after banging against the wall... after f1 , it was showtime .. i finished off Kite Runner and City of Joy .. Then it was a round of AoE .. After that some office work and sumptuous dinner at chikku's place with chikki going all out to give a fine display of her culinary skills.. After dinner it was again work time and then i m here blogging..

At the time I stopped AoE , i was just hanging by thread against a very high powered attack by the teuton knights civilisation of Lord Hienrich . My army was fighting in three places and also trying to protect my trade route which was my only source of gold .The internal sources of gold were exhausted . If I left my route open , enemies were slipping in and if i left my route closed then no gold for making army.. And when I sent a good wave of soldiers to protect the route , teutonians came calling..

Waves and waves of advanced teutons protecting the trebs were attacking my walled city..
A very huge attack by three civilisations breached the walls for the first time .. On seeing this, I sent all the soldiers inside to stop the first wave of attackers, gathered my army at other places and bought them to the aid to the besieged defenders.. As my army left the trade route unprotected, enemy soldiers slipped in through the trade route, so I had to sent another lot over there .. With my superior numbers and strong economy,I was able to resist against first wave of attack ....After beating back the first attack , i sent some more soldiers to protect the trade route . It was at that time teutons again came calling.. Since i was running short on gold , i had to resort to the cheaper halberdiers and skirmisher for the protection .. Skirmishers harmed teutons only from behind the wall , once the walls were breached skirmishers were nothing ..and then 6 trebs were bombing my walls .. With not many trebs of my own , the only way to destroy the trebs was to attack them with soldiers but the teutons were not letting any of my soldiers to pass through .. So i had to disengage the teutons at one place and send palladins to destroy the trebs .. palladins were expensive but that was the only option for the time being and so i had a group of palladin collecting a bit away from the battlefield .. the moment trebs came and teutons raced towards the wall , these palladins used to attack the trebs from behind the lines .. my superior strategy resulted in teuton attacks petering out ... by that time I had a solid wall across my trade route ...

As the trickle of gold became a sizeable flow , i jumped from halberdier to champions ,skirmisher to arrow horseman and a continuous stream of Palladins and that was the end ,,

Btw , The City of Joy was banned in India by the Nehru govt for portraying India in a bad light .. Well some scenes about the conditions in India were bad however the movie spoke tons about the never die spirit

It is very hot over here . Our AC has been up since morning and but the room temperature has not gone below 76 F ... Since morning   !!!!.. what about my carbon footprint and the resulting damage to the mother earth   .. should i switch off the AC ???? I guess not .. PM is in deep slumber in the next room , if i switch off the AC , he will leave his footprints on my face ...





p.s - 3 years down the lane , this was indeed a very memorable weekend.

Why do dogs sleep on the road??

During my 2008 visit to Mumbai, after being done with my all official as well as non-official formalities I was on my way to domestic airport when I had one of my first times. Well in one’s life all events are bound to happen the first time. And the same happened on my cab trip to Mumbai domestic airport. It was raining quite heavy and the cab driver was a bearded fellow. I asked him where he is from and his reply was Uttar Pradesh. And in response he asks me where I live in Delhi. I responded back what makes him feel that I am from Delhi. His answer was the way I spoke hindi was having a touch of delhi. Well I have been accused of being a Maharashtrian , a Bengali , a Rajasthani , a Oriya , a Kannadiga , a Gujju but this is the first time somebody called me a Delhi valla anyway there is a first time for everything and I took this comment from him in the right spirit .


As our chit chat continued, I saw a dog peacefully sleeping on the road. And I commented about that dog sleeping so peacefully unmindful of the rain and the traffic. The cab vallah replied back , let me tell you the story why the dog sleeps on the road. And he started as when Ramji was about to give up his earthly avatar and leaving for heaven , a dog followed him doggedly , requesting the Lord to let him accompany him to the heaven. On hearing this request, Lord Rama explained to them how it will be a violation of the law of nature to let them accompany him to heaven without his time on earth getting completed. However on seeing the dogged devotion of the dog , Rama promised them the next time he comes to the world, dogs will be the first creature whom he will be meeting. So as per the legend, the dogs are still and always on the road waiting for Rama to come back. And while I was marveling at the ingenuity of the story and the way that story had been fitted around something which I would have witnessed since my kiddy days but had noticed only when I was 28 the cab vallah continued in his chaste hindi “Sometimes we humans in our pride and arrogance; arrogance about money, arrogance about social status, arrogance about education forget to realize the importance of the God. But then story like this and the way even animals are waiting for arrival of God teaches a lesson about putting our beliefs in the strength of God”. As the words sank in my mind, I stared with wonder on the taxi-driver. I was not able to decide whether the taxi-fellow was commenting on me or was passing on his observations about others to me.

The *Jedi* Me

:| So it was just another day in office. The previous day I had slept at 3:30am so I was dead tired , ready to collapse into bed and go into a heavenly slumber .. I realized this as I was dozing off, I mean taking a power nap session in my chair. Well 3:30 am :O it wont be previous day , it will be that day only, well all the troubles and hardship I make my poor solo body suffer .

So coming to my power-nap session, I suddenly realized that my power nap session was going on in full visibility of all the ppl moving around the sitting area ( ppl need to move a bit so that they can also take a comfortable posture and go to sleep ). Understanding the bad implications of having witnesses for such incidences, I decided to go for the supreme sacrifice of my urge to sleep and assumed a zombie like stance and focused my moronic stare on my computer monitor. Realizing how difficult this task was I decided to take a small walk before continuing with my zombie like stance and moronic stare. And so I started my walk towards the Pantry Room.

On the way I met a colleague who was kind enough to point out my zombie looks and started wondering aloud the reasons behind it. With a kindness which was matching his (on second thoughts exceeding his kindness), I asked him to mind his own business and continued my stagger towards kitchen. Somewhere on the way to kitchen, I thought why not take the help of trusted caffeine to control my heavenly urges. This brainwave powered my next two steps when I hit the wall well not literally just figuratively. Coffee from vending machine needs money, not exactly money as in a round figure of 10 bucks or so but exact change of 75 cents that too in denominations of 5, 10 & 25 ( no cents )and there was a very less chance of me carrying 75 cents in this denomination in my pocket. So as I reeled from the impact, I saw HP giving the (now) famous moronic stare in zombie stance to his monitor. So I somehow reached, woke him up and begged/pleaded for 75 cents.  HP’s belief in People empowerment rather than disbursing financial aid (stinginess is a more apt word) led him to give me a coffee of bottle powder ( I mean bottle of coffee powder ) and I trudged towards the kitchen.. In the kitchen I filled the plastic glass with hot water, kept it on the table and was about to fill it with the creamer and sugar that I realized the glass was moving towards my outstretched palm in the same way Luke Skywalker had pulled his light saber … I shook myself awake, pinched myself hard , went and again woke up HP and revealed him about my jedi capabilities and we discussed whether there is any way  my midi-chlorians count can be measured.

I came back to pantry room and  tried again.. Lo!!! the Jedi Power still held supreme , the glass was still coming towards my palm. With my faith resting in my supreme jedi abilities, I leapt forward with a cup of coffee, well not exactly leapt but trundled forward to fight another day at office . well it was not exactly a day , more of 3 hrs or so :|

p.s : This was originally posted somewhere in 2007 during the *good old days* in the much maligned yahoo blog 

A Crutched Event ....

And so life was going on with all its smoothness. Few days back, my last day in the USofA was finalized and we had unanimously decided to bring the heaven on earth one more time before that. My knee sprain had pretty much healed. Sep 25 2009 call was over. Mrs HP had delivered a boy panda. Saturday all of us had a gala time in the hospital.

Sunday 27 2009 dawned. I had a strange sense of foreboding since the time I got up. Me and HP went in my car to WMart to purchase a crib. And we did get the crib and while loading it on the car there was a awkward moment of pause and I knew something had gone horribly wrong with my right leg. As sweat broke over my eye-brows, I informed HP of my inability to help him in doing any of the further lifting of the crib. The understanding HP took care of loading the crib onto the car. And when he peeped inside the car, I was sitting on the passenger seat. I further informed HP about my inability to drive the car so the understanding HP took the car-keys and started driving. We reached HP’s house and JD popped out from his familiar perch on balcony. We informed him about my status and asked him to come down and lend some of his shoulder to carry the crib to the house. With the crib safely inside the house, HP came back to have a look at me and seeing my condition went back to get some pain relievers. JD went around telling all that I have injured my leg and so SP came and sat with me for some time, Big B came and peeped at me as if I am an injured animal caught inside a cage. HP decided that showing off has gone for long time and decided to drop me at my house. With my brain numbed by the pain, I acceded.

So HP drove me to my house and I tried to get off, I realized that I was not able to place my right leg on the ground. HP tried his best to coax me towards the door. I hobbled with his shoulder for support for 2-3 steps. Realizing the amount of pain each step resulted in, my brain finally went into action and I decided whatever has happened warranted a visit to the emergency. HP said he will take me to emergency, I said he should be free so as to cater to Mrs HP’s need. And so we targeted on JD to be the person to take me to the emergency but as JD was without any car or any conveyance method at that time ( knowing JD , this is expected ). So HP took me back to his house in my car, gave directions to JD on how to reach the emergency medical center and then JD drove me to the emergency. On the way my cell rang and it was my parents calling from India. For a moment I debated whether to tell them the truth or not and in the end picked up the phone and told them that I was on my way to emergency after doing something to my leg. Dad asked me few questions to confirm whether a broken bone was involved. After listening to my answers he gave his judgment that no bones are broken.

At the emergency entrance, I hobbled down on one leg. I went over to the attendant to ask the procedures and the attendant without answering rushed back in. So I hobbled along a few steps to see the attendant back with the wheelchair. By this time JD was there after parking the car. He and the attendant loaded me on a wheelchair and JD once again took the responsibility of steering me. The receptionist gave us a couple of forms to fill and directed us to the emergency attendant. The attendant started asking me stupid questions. I answered the first few questions and then asked her why she was asking me such questions. She replied that she was supposed to ask such questions so as to confirm whether the injury had any impact on my saneness or whether I was going into a shock or something. I said ok fine …. And once again the question answer session continued. She asks me “Whether I felt safe at home” and I remembered the intensity with which SS used to watch the WWE fights and burst out laughing. She also started laughing and pointed out that this was the first time I had laughed after coming to the emergency and she was concerned that I was going into a shock because of the pain. And as I lighted up a bit, she asked her final question “How much will I rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10? 1 being the least painful and 10 being the worst I ever experienced” I thought for a few minutes and decided I had experienced more pain that this and said 6-7. The attendant took a look at me and said she is rating the pain at 9. I was about to argue about the rating and then thought wtf . And then the waiting started .... HP called up to check the status and we informed him about the waiting game , to which he responded he is at the hospital to check on Mrs HP and the baby.

Almost at the same time the attendant came and wheeled me into the treatment area. As the doctors and nurse crowded around me, I told them what happened and then they started the pulling and pushing, twisting and turning business on my leg. The decision was unanimous, no bones broken; the ligament would have taken a slight tear. They gave me some pain killers advised me a visit to general physician, one week’s full bed rest and gifted me with a pair of crutches. At that time HP trooped in and instead of showing concern about me, started playing around with the crutches. One of the nurses asked me whether I knew how to use the crutches .. I said “This will be my first time” so she gave a demo and handed me a booklet on instructions on using crutches .. Since everything was done, we started leaving. Once again , I was put on the wheelchair .. Now HP took on the responsibility of steering me and mistook my wheelchair to his Honda Accord and vroomed vroomed me around the treatment area with me hanging on to the handle bars.. Somehow I was able to control HP and all of us landed up fine in the Chesterfield , the same spot where it was decided to go to the emergency ..

3 floors were remaining between me and promised bed rest. During the last attempt, I was without any crutches to help my climb .. But now the crutches were there . So the tedious climb started. It took me 30 minutes to climb the 3 floors with HP and JD hobbling in and around me ensuring that I have the right grips and balances and don't go tumbling down the stairs. Finally I was on the bed. One day back I had gone to library and the books were lying all around the place. I asked JD to get all the books near my bed. Now with me properly cushioned up in the bed , I realized that I had to take my medicines and I had not eaten anything since morning. This time JD came to the rescue ( for a change , he was completely equipped ), and he got a tiffin full of rotis and Paneer Bhurji . Lunch and a round of steroids made me all drowsy and I had my well deserved bed rest.

And so I thought of penning down my thoughts, my frustration at being confined to bed for a week and all the various ways I can spend the time.


p.s - I had penned this long back ... Probably within a month of my injury but was scared of posting it.. Now almost 2 years after the injury and the knee pretty much healed up, I think I can post it. The only significant change that I did was changing the title from A Crutched Life to A Crutched Event. The initial estimate of slight ligament tear turned out to horribly wrong.It was revealed to be a major tear in ACL and significant damage on my meniscus with the Dr even scheming a surgery on my knee. I was on crutches for more than 2 months ,limped all the way from US to Mumbai to India , had physiotherapy for more than 4 months before doctor was confident that I can resume my life but with lot of care and precautions.
The heaven which we were planning in Las Vegas didn't happen but the 3 months of bare minimum activity I was able to enjoy a heaven that pretty well made up for all the heavens that Vegas could offer. Those impromptu parties at JD and Big B's house and the famous Poha Party amidst a raging snowstorm .. How KB drove all the way from Jersey City with his broken finger to check out on me and how we 2 invalids , one with a broken hand and one with crutches had gone to watch a movie leaving rest of the valids gang sleeping in my house. How everybody arranged their office schedule so as to drop/pick me up from the doctor/physiotherapist etc. The way Mr and Mrs PM were insisting that I shift to their house so that they can take better care of me.. How SS cancelled his weekend visits to his sister's place to cater to me and the speed with which we had finished the huge box of donuts on the first weekend after injury.

These 3 months did give me a nice idle time to reflect over the time I had spent in USofA.

The Spirit Of The Crusaders

I have principle and no power
You have power and no principle
You being you
And I being I
Compromise is out of the question
So let the battle begin...

I have truth and no force
You have force and no truth
You being you
And I being I
Compromise is out of the question
So let the battle begin...

You may club my skull
I will fight
You may crush my bones
I will fight
You may bury me alive
I will fight
With truth running through me
I will fight
With every ounce of my strength
I will fight
With my last dying breath
I will fight...
I will fight till the
Castle that you built with your lies
Comes tumbling down
Till the devil you worshipped with your lies
Kneels down before my angel of truth. 

This poem is by Bhuchung Sonam. I came across it in one of the news items in Times of India.

Neelkanth ....

I have been reading the Meluha Trilogy by Amish and it tells us of the story of How Shiva became Neelkanth which is very different from the way origin of Neelkanth is described in the Hindu Mythology ...  In part one , there is a speech from Shiva which ends with Supreme Lord is there in Each and Every person.

So today while I was thinking about two of my friends A & B who had a slight disagreement and since I was the common friend A came to me and said some unholy words about B . Next day B comes , talks about the incident. I just nod my head and he proceeds to say some unholy words about A . Even though I had my own opinions about the incident , i decided to keep my thoughts as well as their thoughts to myself. So A and B continued their non-talking business for some 1-2 days and then forgot completely about the incidence and their disagreement and all their fights . All was hunky dory .. All the poison because of their disagreement was buried safely below my tongue in my Kanth .. My kanth didn't become blue and no amrut came out of this effort but this simple act did result in a never-ending friendship which illuminated (and is still illuminating )not only my life but also lives of lot of people who became part of our little universe...

So Neelkanth not only holds the physical poison which can destroy the entire world but also the poisonous thoughts which can result in destruction of the smaller universe made by each and every person for his family & friends  ... Each and every person is a God in himself having the power to create and destroy universe.

Har Har Mahadaev !!!

Quotes galore

I go on reading continuously . I can read all type of books , newspapers pretty much everything .. And while i burrow through them i chance across some good quotes ..

Got this from Dean Koontz book ...

Be to do.Not to be done to....
Seize the moment . Act , Don't React....
Catch the wave, shoot the curl , skeg it , nail it  , don't be nailed,exist to live ,never exist to exist ...
Existance is an entrance , not an exit.
To be or not to be is not the question ...

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A sanskrit sloka ( translated to english )
The Gods bless each one of us with the qualities we need to endure our lives. Its up to us to use how we use these qualities

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This one is by Henry Thoreau

Great God I ask thee for no meaner pelf
Than that I may not disappoint myself,
That in my action I may soar as high,
As I can now discern with my clear eye

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By Frank Herbert
The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action.

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Edward Barnard in "Fall of Edward Barnard"
Beauty you seldom see face to face. Look at it well, for what you see now you will never see again , since the moment is transitory, but it will be an imperishable memory in your heart. You touch eternity
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By Somerset Maughan in The Razor's Edge
The more he learns , the more he wants and the more unhappy he becomes.
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By Somerset Maughan in The Back of Beyond
One mustn’t expect gratitude. It’s a thing that no has right to. After all, you do good because it gives you pleasure. It’s the purest form of happiness there is. To expect thanks for it is really asking too much. If you get it well , well , it’s like a bonus on the shares on which you have already received the dividend; it’s grand, but you mustn’t look upon as your due.

**********************************

By Somerset Maughan in The Back of Beyond
Sometimes you seem as hard as nails and then you talk so that one thinks you are almost human, and then, just as one thinks one’s misjudged you and you have heart after all, you come out with something that just shocks one. I suppose that’s what they call a cynic
Moon’s reply : If to look truth in the face and not resent it when it’s unpalatable, and take human nature as you find it, smiling when it’s absurd and grieved without exaggeration when it’s pitiful, is to be cynical then I suppose I am a cynic. Mostly human nature is both absurd and pitiful, but if life has taught you tolerance you find it more to smile at than to weep.
**********************************
 By Harper Lee in To Kill A Mocking Bird

People in their right minds never take pride in their talents.
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By Amish in The Secret of the Nagas

It doesn't matter if the people that evil being committed against don't fight back. It doesn't matter if the entire world chooses to look the other way.. Always remember this. You don't live with the consequences of other people's karma. You live with consequences of your own.
********************************
By Paulo Coelho

People may forget what we said, people may forget what we did, but never forget how we made them feel.
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If it happens , God let it happens ,and when we say "I don't understand" , God replies "I don't care"

Stephen king in The Green Mile
********************************
The Best way to clean the system is to own it ..

Nitin K P Jan 3 2012
********************************
If we seek something ,the same thing is seeking us. Nevertheless , be prepared for everything.

Paulo Coelho

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Things you do might not be your passion but that might be the best opportunity that life gave you.
********************************
Freedom is not the absence of commitments , but the ability to choose and commit one to what is best for self.
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The humility of a warrior is not the same humility as that of a servile man. The warrior does not lower his head to anyone, and nor does he allow anyone to bow before him. The servile man, on the other hand, kneels before anyone he believes to be more powerful, and demands that the people under his command behave in a similar fashion before him.

Castaneda
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I stopped using drugs, my dreams are frightening or rather confusing enough.

Today I had a strange dream not exactly strange but a dream which left me wondering for sometime whether it really had some significance and trying to convey some things or just a timepass similar to all crazy things that I go on doing. I had read somewhere that dreams are triggered by some incident which happened during the past few days or some hidden emotions. Most probably the incident which triggered the dream was my chat with Gy aunty in which I told her bout my plans to coming back to india and she responded back with the “Apna des to apna des hota hai” and I responded back with the dialogue from Swades ”apni chaukkat ka diya giving light to neighbor’s house” . let me get the swades song in the background to build up the ambience which might help in a better flow of the creative juices ..

Ok so with the swades song in the background and confirming the exact dialogue let me get back to the sequence of events yesterday morning … Yesterday morning well not exactly morning as in 9 am or so but morning as in after getting up from bed after sleeping in the night .. well it was not exactly night as in 11 pm or so but it was more of like 4 am on saturday morning.. so coming back to yesterday morning , I called up my house and cracked the regular jokes to let them get the idea that everything is normal in this part of the world and then I called up my moohboli sister and while talking to her she informed that her mom is with her and so I talked to Gy aunty where the above mentioned dialogues took place…after the call I took JC to library.. btw I have been reading some books on Indian political system and happening since independence in the past few days.. and I was discussing about them with JC .. while coming back from library , I noticed that JC had also picked up a book on India..

In evening, in the famed sabji mandi of Bensalem ,at the payment counter I observed somebody peeping at me and in courtesy I also peeped back and while this peeping business was going on i realized that the person used to be with me in my college… and we exchanged notes on our other college friends , While coming back from Sabji Mandi I sat pondering about the life in India , the way we used to have effortless fun with friends and colleagues . My Sunday walk for the newspapers ( indian express , Times of india & midday ) , the small moments spent in tapari drinking special chai or walk down to the nearby sweet shop for a plate of samosa followed by combination of dosa and then boondi sev .. or the group outings to smoking joe’s pizza or china everest followed by a visit to the monginis , midnight visit to bade miyan for chicken curry and roti followed up with a visit to haji ali juice centre for lychi shake , the fruit juice dinner which we used to have once in a month ,the movie theatre visits which used to be mostly an excuse to sleep peacefully in air conditioned hall..The life was so simple yet so blissful with so much time in hand not only to relax on weekend but to have fun too.

I realized that *something* was missing in my life … With that thought in mind I went to bed and woke up with that dream.

p.s : I started writing on this piece close to 2 months back but had forgotten about it in the rumble and tumble of the life .. Don’t expect me to remember the dream but yes I remember the confusion with which I got up in the morning


Blogspot ps - This was posted on yahoo 360 on May 8 2008 when JC had still not metamorphosed into his current avatar of JD

The Selfish Samaritan

It was one of those normal Saturdays in January when you get up at normal weekday time and realize that it is a weekend and desperately try to go back to sleep and then you wake up at about 9:00 am and decide to sleep for 20 more minutes and then wake up at about 12:00 noon and realize that one has completely wasted one day of the weekend. So Saturday was proceeding in this normal manner when at about 9:15 I remembered that  I need to take my car to jiffy lube for the oil change. So with a sense of purpose I got up and as I was winding up my chores, I remembered that library book was also due. One of the Somerset Maugham’s book was still pending. Almost 40 pages were remaining for that one. It was supposed to be a long day with lot of small-small commitments so I thot of returning the half read book.  On reaching JL, the attendant over there told me that there is going to be bit of wait time and I decided to spend the wait-time finishing of the Maugham story .

And so I started reading the book, it was a normal Maugham story about a person A, a good fellow who takes pleasure in helping fellow human beings. This A goes and helps his friend B come up in life and then this B goes and gets into an affair with A’s wife and while everything is going hunky-dory with A completely unaware ,   B dies in a accident, and when A’s wife tells A about her affair with B , A beats her up and goes to a senior fellow C and ask for C’s opinion on how to deal with his wife , his condition and how can people be so self-centered while dealing with somebody who has always helped them. And C says what all times are u online ? .. well no …this was one of the message which I had sent to one of my friends on yahoo messenger and this is a copy pasting mistake .. more of a slip of hand/fingers .. So coming back to A & C, what C says is One mustn’t expect gratitude. It’s a thing that no one has right to. After all, you do good because it gives you pleasure. It’s the purest form of happiness there is. To expect thanks for it is really asking too much. If you get it well , well , it’s like a bonus on the shares on which you have already received the dividend; it’s grand, but you mustn’t look upon as your due
And I was shocked. Infact I would say the impact of the words bowled me out completely. The blow was so hard that I had to let go the book. I kept the book on the chair on which I was sitting. I observed other people looking at me with an odd eye. Probably they had observed the incredulity on my face. I knew I had to get away. And so I went out. Stood in the winter cold and absorbed the significance of the sentence I had just read. And as the winter chill took hold of me I remembered all the times when somebody with whom I had been good, I had felt that my goodliness was not reciprocated. Yes ! I had felt the pain and I had resolved to correct myself, by not allowing SUCH people a chance to inflict such pain on me again. It was selfish of me and might have alienated some of my friends. But then that impulsive, selfish reaction was what that defined the real me.
The rest of the day went about me being a Samaritan, helping out people , giving out advices and in general bringing sunshine into days made bleary by the January winter. Then in the evening, while I was walking toward my house completely determined not to expect any good out of all the good things I had done throughout the day  , one fellow helloed me . He was balancing a pizza-box on his hand. He wanted to enter one of the blocks of the apartment complex and he being a new delivery boy was not aware of the default code for the number based locking system. And so I went ahead and typed in the default code. And the default code also didn’t work. And now that fellow’s face hung up in despair. As he started cribbing about other customers complaining about delay and blah and blah, I suggested in case he is having the customer’s phone number, he can use my cell to call up his customer. And as he ringed his customer with my cell with a big beam of smile on his face, I understood the meaning of purest happiness.

p.s -- This one was written long back in Jan-2009. Date should be 31st of Jan. Had copied it when yahoo closed the yahoo360

Des Mera Rangrez Hai Babu

Things were all going on fine. I had reached the Vikroli Station. The auto fare was 32 Rs. I gave him the 32 Rs and checked my purse. There were a couple of 100 Rs notes and a 50 ps coin. I checked out the crowd on the trains and decided that going by second class will be a safe option and so I stood in the queue. In my front there was a stout lady, behind me a frail lady came and stood. I reached the ticket window and pulled out a 100 Rs note. The lady on the counter asked for 1 Rs coin saying that the fare was 11 Rs. I replied back that i was not having any 1 Rs coin ... So she said that she cannot give me ticket without a 1 Rs coin and asked me to go and get one .As I tried to reason with her, I realized that an unreasonable person was manning the counter and there was no way I will be able to get any ticket from the counter, I went in search for the elusive 1 Rs coin. As I reached the door, there was a hesitant tap on my back. I turned around and saw the frail lady standing with a 2 Rs coin in her hand and a kind loving smile on her face. She said "Go and give this to that lady and get your ticket". I was too shocked to react, accepted the coin and as my wits and brains gathered together I mumbled together a thanks but the lady had vanished into the crowd. I looked to both sides of the platform , that lady was nowhere to be seen ..

I got my ticket, caught the next train towards my destination. That lady's smile was still there in my eyes and the song that was resonating in my head was the Peepli Live song – Des Mera Rangrez Hai  Babu .

Of PC , Ithaca-The Poem and the Big Fight with Zahir

I had heard a lot about Paulo Coelho and how his novel The Alchemist never fails to inspire the readers to do new things. And somehow I had always avoided this book . I very frequently came across this book in most unimaginable places and I always left it like that . And so when I landed in kerala this time and went about all the books in the house , i saw two of PC's book lying around . One was Alchemist and other was Zahir. And with nothing much to do , i started reading both of them together. I was very much impressed by the poem Ithaca with which he began the Zahir..

As you set out for Ithaka
hope the voyage is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
angry Poseidon- don't be afraid of them:
you'll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon- you won't encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.

Hope the voyage is a long one.
May there be many a summer morning when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you come into harbors seen for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind-
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to gather stores of knowledge from their scholars.

Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you are destined for.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you are old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.

Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka won't have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.



So impressed was I with this poem that i searched for it over the internet , read some of the treatise of it and then sent it across to some of my friends who are studying at Ithaca .. I started reading Zahir during my idle times , during my commute time to physio therapist , during my physiotherapy sessions and so on. I had informed SK and some other friends about my India trip. As people called me up to inquire about accommodation and other mumbai arrangements for me even before I reached Mumbai , I marveled at the concept of favor bank and realized how my deposits in this bank had smoothed my path most of the time , got me new friends who opened up much faster  . And while everything was going on pretty ,suddenly I realized that the Zahir has become a Zahir for me.. I was continuously thinking about how the story will progress. How and when the author will meet his lost wife. Wondering about the reaction of the author , wondering about how I will react in case I am in a similar situation. As the author went through many selfish/spiritual/mind opening experiences which changed his outlook , I also traveled in a parallel world of my own taking a peep on my past wondering whether I did the right thing or not whenever it mattered. And then since all things good or bad are supposed to end , Zahir novel also ended some 1 week before i left my home for Mumbai .I got busy with my packing and farewells and my Zahir didn't resurface. I came to mumbai , got in touch with old friends , made fresh deposits in the favor bank and as i fitted into a daily routine , I again met my Zahir. And this time it seemed more persistent. I tried other books but my Zahir on Zahir refused to go .
A long weekend came and I used it to go to kerala to pick up some of my stuffs. I picked up the copy of Zahir too and started rereading it. My dad observed that I had already read that book once . I replied back I am not having any other book to read.. So he gifted a recent english novel . I finished it off in 3 hrs and went back to Zahir ..
In Mumbai, with the life becoming a pattern , Zahir became my steady companion for a few days .And then the unthinkable happened. I misplaced the Zahir somewhere in the office. And now with Zahir gone , I started trying to get a replacement for the Zahir. As i searched the bookstores for Zahir, Gafoor suggested to check internet. And I saw a collection of 14 PC books for sale.
And so  now instead of one PC book to deal with , I was having 14 PC books to finish off.